My Fault

Something must be wrong with me
with all this hurt inside,
always bursting with anger,
and never any pride.

Something must be wrong with me
if all I do is cry,
I can't stop this pain
all I want to do is die.

Something must be wrong with me
if my emotions run wild,
all this confusion does
is make me feel like a lost child.

Something must be wrong with me
with all these terrible things,
always there and never gone
depression is what it brings.

Something must be wrong with me
if I can't stop these thoughts,
all this pain does
is turn my stomach in knots.

Something is truly wrong with me
when I think there's only one way out,
"Let this pain end,"
is all my heart will shout.

Confusion

Silence builds an awful wreckage of a girl
It feeds on loneliness and creates a void
Gray shadows haunt and torment and torture
A teenager is stricken and destroyed

There is no sound of laughter or happiness here
The little one has thrown in the towel today
Somber, melancholy moods decay the soul
It is futile to hope and dream and pray

Emptiness builds a home in this woman
In this girl, this child where hollows have bred
A deepening sea of nowhereness consumes
And eats away at every connecting thread

Confusion feeds like a savage inside her,
Leaving nothing considered worthy remains
Destined to walk through life less ordinary
Alone, exiled, different and disdained.

Silent Screams

Begone ye screams of silence, harbingers of pain
Cloaked in isolation, you mock in harsh disdain
My soul is torn asunder, I curse you, God of Hell
As you pierced my tortured soul, what horrors I befell.
You spoke of quiet solitude, to tempt me to your lair
Then lanced me in my troubled heart, to depths of dark despair
Nemesis, I beg of thee, rise up in righteous ire
Protect me from Tisiphone, from Hell's eternal fire
With all my voice I scream to you, protect me from the night
Alas, in forlorn desperation, I journey to the light
Banished to mind's Coventry, I heed the demon's call
Beckoned by the silent screams, I enter Dante's hall.

Hurting

It's easier for you to walk away, than it is for you to reach out to me.
It's easier for you to look away, than it is for you to see the depth of my despair.
It's easier for you to look through me, than it is for you to see "me."
It's easier for you to distance yourself, than it is for you to really care.
It's easier for you to hear, than it is for you to listen.
It's easier for you to judge, than it is for you to understand.
It's easier for you to label, than it is to get acquainted.
It's easier for you to bask in your joy, than it is for you to feel my pain.
It's easier for you to bewilder at my mysteries, than it is for you to probe deeply into the depths of my soul.

It's easier for me to look away, than it is to let you see the feelings betrayed through my eyes.
It's easier for me to cry, than it is for me to talk.
It's easier for me to walk alone, than it is to risk rejection.
It's easier for me to push you away, than it is for me to be held.
It's easier for me to distance myself, than it is to trust that you won´t hurt me.
It's easier for me to die, than it is for me to face life's challenges.

It's hard for me to smile when I am hurting.
It's hard for me to talk when you won't understand.
It's hard for me to reach out when I need help the most.

If only you'd really look at me and see who I am.
If only you cared enough to reach out when I push you away.
If only you'd hold me, without asking why.
If only you'd acknowledge the validity of my feelings.

But it's the easy roads that are most often taken.
And so I hurt alone.

Chains That Bind

I am a hostage bound by myself, trapped in a mind all my own.
I'm locked in from the outside world and I've thrown away the only key; cannot figure out how to set myself free.
My wrists are bleeding out of control; the chains that bind them, created by my soul.
A prisoner I am kept, but have committed no crime; only my guilt and pain are forcing me to do time.
Once transparent, my eyes revealed it all; they've transformed themselves; blocking all that you once saw.
I peer through these windows at the world outside; I can see out but no one can see inside.
Please, help me escape from my sins.
I beg forgiveness and to live once again.

Paranoia

The night is my cover,
The day, my disguise,
But I just can't seem to escape,
From wondering,judgmental eyes.

They're always watching and waiting,
For that moment you turn your head,
It makes me feel uncomfortable,
While I'm lying in my bed.

I shouldn't leave my house,
Or maybe even my room,
Because they're lurking in every shadow,
Waiting to drop the bomb of doom.

I can't help but avert my eyes,
When I receive an unsteady glance,
They're judging me, I know it,
They'll make fun of me at every chance.

Did I do something wrong,
I don't have a doubt in my mind,
The truth is that in this world,
Sanity is so hard to find.

Watching Me Burn

You sit there watching me as I burn,
Why don't you help me?
You just sit there and watch me yearn.
But these aren't flames of fire,
These are flames of pain.
You sit there watching me burn as the blood drips down like rain.
The weight of my burdens it too much to bear.
I cry out in agony
But you 're still just sitting there.
I'm slowly disappearing,
And slowly fading away
But still you sit there watching me burn
You seem to have nothing to say.
As the tears finally swell up in my eyes,
I look at you and cry my last good byes,
But still you sit there watching me burn
Now with a smile upon your face.
You are happy now
Knowing that I'm about to disappear without a trace.