No One Knows

No one will ever know the extent of all this pain I have bottled up inside. A love once thought of as lost ... torn from my grasp as tragedy ripped the heart from the chest of the concerned and worried. The few people who sympathize and say they can relate are the world’s best liars ... when their attention is diverted from you and your problems, any trace of sympathy is impossible if detectable at all.

Many nights I lie awake, my dying heart crying out for that one person. The person who will dry my tears with unrestrainable devotions of love shouted at a volume that shatters the night sky. The one who has a cloud-like touch that will never scar as do the talons that hold me to this overbearing pattern that I consider to be a life. It’s obvious, in the real world; no one cares about anyone else. I know I’m alone and I’m learning to cope.

I Understand

Staring into the mirror, Focus blurred, Coming undone
Faces staring back at me, Screaming, Streaming
Rain falling, Trails in front of me, Totally insane
Bottle of pills, Self medicating, Face changing
Feeling of solitude, Becoming numb, Drainage
Misusing, Still abusing, Pacing, Thoughts racing
Hearing voices in my head, Telling me what to do
Feeling insane, Can't sleep
I need help, Mentally ill, Sickened
Empty inside, Bleeding, My head exploding
Fucked up, Looking through sad eyes
Always hopeless, Just wanting to belong
Casting away, Fear subsiding, Disappearing
The way I choose to be gets darker everyday
Scared of myself, Waiting to be free
Life is impossible, Thoughts of suicide...Won't understand
Can't erase them, Disappointment
I am falling and crawling, Won't be okay
Insecure thoughts, Feeling ugly, The hole I dug for myself
I believe my own lies, Hateful, Deception
Hidden from the world, Crushing, Snorting, Burning
Pouring out my insides, No trust left, Forsaken me
I am the problem, I am the problems
Blood on the walls, Death calls
Self cutting, Slicing deeper, Bleeding, Bleeding
Horrible life of abuse, Fighting, Screaming, Beating
I am twisted, Crashing and burning, No strength
Changing every second, Can't take control
Cutting deeper, Waiting for you to save me
All fucked up, Sick of life, My pain will never end
Commiserating, As I waste away, Killing my insides
Too many excuses
All I lived for was to be loved, Now I'm coming undone
Feeling worthless, Getting more hopeless, and restless
The lies, My sickness, Weakened, Self hatred
Running away from my past, Erasing memories
Disdain, Wasting my time, In my mind it lies
Never perfect, Disarray, I don't care!
Never to be loved
My pain kills, This is how it feels
Depression, Nobody cares, Blown away
Sick of this, Your oblivious, Never caring
Seeing death, Forsaking, My only cure, This I am sure
Mentally sick, Trying to stay awake
I hate myself, Delirious
I am not like you, I will never be like you
Taken for granted, Unspoken, and broken
Becoming unbearable, Wanting to die
Nightmares taking over my thoughts
Never to be free...Only I can see...What’s to become of me